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Encouraging your preschooler to share

by Maxine
Posted December 20 2010 11:54am
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Does your child ever have trouble sharing? If so, you’re definitely not alone. 

Our experts have come up with several suggestions for helping your preschooler learn to share:

Be a role model. If you share and take turns with your child, he will experience how nice it is to have someone share with him, and will learn to do the same thing with others.

Try to let your child have enough space to play beside another child, but make room for her own toys and activities. When children are very young, it's a good idea to have duplicate toys to make everybody happy. Allow your child to think of a toy as "mine, mine, mine!" but also acknowledge your child when she lets someone else take a turn. Describe how the other child feels when she shares, such as, "Johnny is so happy you gave him a turn with the ball."

Be a guide. If your child wants a toy another child has, help him find some other interesting toy or activity in the meantime, to help him learn to wait.

Be patient. Know that it takes time for children to be ready to share, so don't expect your child to be too generous too soon. And certainly don't punish her for not sharing or taking turns. You want sharing to be a happy experience - not something your child feels forced to do.

At about three years old, help your child sort it out with other children if an argument develops over a toy. This will give him the skills to eventually work things out himself.

And finally, until you feel your child can handle them, avoid situations with too many children. They can be overwhelming if a child is in the middle of an "all mine" stage.

 

How do you teach your preschooler share? What techniques have worked for you? Leave a comment below and share your experience with parents just like you!

 

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When your baby cries – Pinpointing the problem

by Maxine
Posted June 21 2011 02:12pm
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When your new baby is crying, sometimes it seems impossible to figure out what she is trying to tell you.

She isn’t wet, she’s just been fed, what could be causing her so much stress? Don’t worry, it’s normal for babies to cry, sometimes for up to two hours a day, and you will soon start to understand your baby’s cues and be better able to determine what those cries means.

Here are some possibilities to consider:

  • Is she hungry or thirsty?
  • Is her diaper soiled?
  • Is she lonely? She might just need some comfort time with one of her parents.
  • Is she too hot or too cold?
  • Is she in pain?
  • Does she have gas?
  • Is she tired?
  • Is she bored?
  • Is she over-stimulated?
  • Is she sick?

Remember, sometimes baby’s cry for no apparent reason at all, but this checklist might help you pinpoint a problem.

Think about your own baby, what reasons have you found for your own baby to cry? What soothing techniques do you use? Leave us a comment below – your suggestion might help another parent who is going through this just like you did!

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Helping your toddler find balance during the holidays

by Maxine
Posted December 17 2010 01:51pm
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The centre of many holiday celebrations is giving and receiving gifts, especially for children. Children fantasize about it, and most hope to receive lots of big, expensive gifts. Parents, for their part, worry that the mid-winter holidays will spoil their children or make them greedy. Most parents will probably have to provide a healthy reality check, providing some guidance for what are more reasonable dreams.

But what about your child's natural desire to receive lots of gifts? Does this promote greed? As long as your family also highlights the true meaning of the holidays, such as giving to others and celebrating cherished rituals together, you do not need to worry too much about your child's materialistic desires.

Here are some ways you can use Comfort, Play & Teach: A Positive Approach to Parenting to set the tone for raising kind and caring children, regardless of how many gifts they ask for or receive.

Comfort

Nurturing close relationships within families and among friends is the core of healthy social and emotional development for young children. Parents can set the tone for the holidays by emphasizing their true meaning – that of giving to others. The very young child, who has been at the receiving end of love, comfort, and attention to his needs from the earliest days, will replicate giving to others naturally and spontaneously. An infant as young as nine months will lovingly offer a parent his pre-chewed food in the spirit of sharing. A toddler as young as eighteen months will either hug or offer up a cherished stuffed toy to comfort another person who is crying. A child's capacity for empathy and concern is developed through the consistent and sensitive responsiveness shown them throughout the early years. When you focus on the "giving" part of the holidays, this teaches children to care for others and to reach out to people who are less fortunate.

  • Take a little time to help your children make their own "gifts." It doesn't have to be fancy. They can make drawings or colour pictures and put them in envelopes to give Grandma, Daddy and other people they care about.
  • Many fire halls and charities collect toys for children whose parents can't afford to buy them. Encourage your preschooler to choose a toy for purchase and let her give it to the charity.
  • When grocery shopping for your family, take time with your child to fill a special bag for the Food Bank, and drop it off together. Toddlers are great at stuffing bags.

Play

It is through the power of play that a child explores and makes discoveries about things and people in his world. Consider how your family's own traditions can be emphasized during the holidays. When children are little, it is a prime time to start family traditions that will last a lifetime. This helps children feel grounded and connected to the people who care for them.

Here are some ways that family values can be celebrated through play:

  • Toddlers and preschoolers will enjoy the activity of decorating a tree. This is an opportunity for them to help make decisions about what ornament goes where and for you to engage them in a conversation about the ornaments. But remember, toddlers enjoy taking things off as much as they like putting them on.
  • If your family participates in special ceremonies such as lighting candles on the Menorah, let your preschooler count out the candles each night and help put them in place.
  • Sing seasonal songs, read seasonal stories and play traditional games as a family.
  • Turn on the outdoor holiday lights with your little one each night.

Nothing is too insignificant to delight a young child. And many times it is the little things that they will remember the most.

Teach

Young children need to learn how to communicate, interact with others, solve problems and express thoughts and feelings. The holiday season presents a wonderful opportunity for children to learn about themselves in the context of family and the community around them. Take this time to model for children how to think about others and to reach out to people who are less fortunate:

  • Be sure to talk about everything you are doing. Toddlers may not understand every word, but your tone will communicate volumes.
  • Talk about the importance of sharing and how it makes people feel when they receive a gift.
  • Take photos of family rituals and make a special holiday album. Use it as a vehicle to discuss with your child what was happening in the photos and what emotions were experienced. Discuss the importance of celebrating cherished rituals together.

Spending time with your children in these ways will help to outweigh the material aspects of the holidays, and your actions will build fond memories and positive values that will stay with them for a lifetime.

 

What does your family do over the holiday season to ensure that your child understands both giving and getting? Leave a comment below and share your story with other parents just like you!

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Helping your preschooler learn to play with others

by Maxine
Posted December 22 2010 05:22pm
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As your young child learns to play with others, she may need your help to learn what behaviour is acceptable. If you see that your child is upset when playing, encourage her to put all her emotions, particularly her frustrations, into words. Try to identify with your child's feelings, but let her know that there are still certain ways that one should behave in such a situation: "You want to play with that puzzle, but Jason has it now. Even though you really, badly want it, you will have to wait."

If there's been a problem with another child, help your child see the other child's point of view, and talk about possible solutions to the problem. "You grabbed Jason's puzzle and now he is very sad. Please give Jason the puzzle back and wait until he is finished." You will need to be a good role model, as your child will be watching you to learn social skills. You will need to avoid reactions like rudeness or impatience. Little children watch adults all the time, and copy our worst as well as our best behaviour.

Making friends works best if you let your child choose when he wants to play and whom he wants to play with. Children don't necessarily become friends with each other just because their parents are friends or relatives. Learning to get along with others takes time, so don't push your child to play with others. 

If your child is having difficulty becoming part of the group or getting along with others, watch him, and see if there are ways you can help him join in. Sit on the sidelines with him and discuss what is happening in the room, where he would like to play and how he could join in to be accepted. Or give your child a toy that will fit in with the group's play, in order to help him join the group.

 

How did you help your child learn to play with others? At what age did they start having an easier time? Leave a comment below and share your story with other parents just like you!

 

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