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Finding quality time with your toddler

by Maxine
Posted December 16 2010 07:59pm
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Work, household chores and social activities all put a strain on your time with your toddler but it's really important to spend quality time together. This will help build a trusting relationship, and reassure your child that he can count on you. But you can't turn on quality time like a light switch. It comes sometimes when you least expect it, if you spend enough relaxed time and do enough things together.

You will, no doubt, start by looking for things that you can do to free up more time for family, such as:

  • Deciding which household chores can be left undone or be done imperfectly in order to make more family time.
  • Leaving certain things until after your child has gone to bed to make the most of your time together.
  • Turning some routines, such as driving to daycare or doing the dishes, into quality time by singing together or talking seriously about what is happening in your lives.

There will be occasions when the time you spend with your toddler may have to be juggled around a bit, but try not to skip them entirely. Also, try to spend time alone with EACH of your children.

Remember that children like things that are predictable. So plan your quality times so that they can take place regularly. Maybe you can eat dinner together, or go to the park first thing every Sunday morning.

 

How do you find quality time to spend with your toddler? What advice would you give to other parents? Leave a comment and share your story below!

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Handling arguments with your toddler

by Maxine
Posted December 16 2010 08:35pm
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When your child is going through the toddler years arguments sometimes happen. How you handle them can affect how things turn out and how often you find yourself squabbling with your little one.

An argument is hard on everyone involved. Tempers flare and it's not always easy to stop and listen to what the other person is trying to say.

It's important to remember that there are at least two sides to every argument. And that there are complicated feelings at work on both sides. While you may be feeling that your child isn't recognizing your authority, your child may be feeling she isn't being heard, and that her views and feelings aren't important to you. Both of you are sure to be feeling frustrated and hurt.

It is good practice to repeat what you heard your child saying.  For young children, they may have some trouble saying what they really mean and it is helpful to make sure you are getting their message.  For example:  “What I hear you saying is that you want to finish the show before you clean you room.”  If your child agrees that is what they are saying you can then give your position. 

When someone feels you are listening to them it is usually easier for them to listen to you.

Validate the child’s feelings.  “I see that you are angry,” or “I hear that you are feeling upset,” are great statement to make that let your child know you not only hear what they are saying but what they are feeling.

Identify if feelings are getting in the way of solutions.  When feelings are high it can stop anyone from listening, but especially a child, who sometimes stops listening and responding to you.  You cannot reason with a child who is in the middle of a temper tantrum or starts to stomp their feet.  Let the child know that you know they are angry, or upset, or frustrated, but they need to calm down before you can talk with them.  Give them some space and time and do not get into any discussion or arguing while they are in their “temper.” This is a great life skill to teach a child while they are young and one that many adults have not learned well.

Also, if your emotions are overwhelming you, let the child know that you need to calm down before you go on.  This is great modeling.  Once you are in control of yourself you can sit down with your child to go through their side and to give yours.  

Don’t go on forever. Once all has been said it is time for a solution or decision.  If it is something small you may consider having the child make the decision.  If it is something more important or a consequence is required then you need to make the decision.  Once made, the message to your child is that the arguing is over.  There is no appeal court.  If your child continues to argue the best response is silence or to ignore them.  Follow up on whatever the decision is and give them time to calm down and respond.

Acknowledge their behaviour, Comment when your child behaves in the way you want them to act; For example; “Thank you for saying what you think so clearly,” or “Thank you for calming down so we can deal with the problem.” Or “Thank you for doing what you need to do and not arguing anymore.”

 

Did you argue with your toddler? How did you handle it? What advice would you give to other parents dealing with this? Leave a comment below and share your experience with other parents just like you!

 

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Helping your preschooler cope with bedwetting

by Maxine
Posted August 2 2010 04:01pm
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Remember, no child purposely wets the bed. And while it can be frustrating or upsetting for both of you, there are ways to make it easier on everyone. Here are several of them.

Try to decrease the amount of fluids your child has before bedtime and especially drinks that have caffeine. Make a routine of having your child go to the bathroom immediately before bed. 

Put a plastic sheet on your child's bed and keep extra sets of clean sheets and blankets close by.  You can even place a towel on top of the bottom sheet to help absorb any urine when your child doesn’t wake in time to go to the bathroom. This makes clean up in the middle of the night a lot easier on both of you, and you don't have to worry about ruining the mattress. 

Use training pants instead of diapers. Diapers can interfere with your child’s motivation to get up and use the bathroom. 

Make access to the bathroom easy. Place a nightlight in the bathroom or leave the hall light lit.  If the bathroom is a distance from your child’s room, consider using a portable toilet in your child’s room.

Be supportive. Tell your child you know it's not her fault and let her know that many children take longer to develop this kind of control.  Other family member such as siblings need to be supportive and not tease about bedwetting.

Don't expect too much too soon, or punish or shame your child for bedwetting. If you do so, things will only get worse. 

If your child is becoming embarrassed about wetting the bed, or you think bedwetting is going on too long, consult your child's physician for more specific strategies. Most children stop by age 5-6 years.

 

Did your preschooler have issues with bedwetting? How did you help her cope? Share your story below by leaving a comment.

 

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Toddlers and Temperament

by Maxine
Posted December 17 2010 05:56pm
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Some toddlers are more expressive, some more timid. Some are very physically active, and some are more sedate. Some are sensitive to loud noises, while others are not bothered at all. Some thrive when surrounded by people, while others are content to play alone quietly. These differences are what we call temperament, and much of this becomes evident in the first few months after birth. 

As parents, it is important to recognize and accept the basic temperament of your child, so you can respond appropriately. For example, if your child's temperament is timid, introduce new activities slowly and allow time for him to build up confidence. If your child's temperament is highly active, give advance notice of changes, so she doesn't fly off the handle. And, if your child's temperament is easy-going, remember that even though she copes well, you are still needed - so check in and stay connected.

Learn more about temperament and watch our unique Temperament Video featuring our expert, Dr. Carol Crill Russell. 

 

 

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